She doesn’t just clean your
house. She’s a mother to your
kids, a friend to your folks, and
more. How do you deal with
the problems that arise from
your helper wearing so many
hats? By MADELINE LIN
With your domestic helper
assuming such an important
role in your household, things
may not always be smooth
sailing. For instance, she may be stressed out
from all the responsibilities; or your kids may
share a stronger bond with her than with you
or hubby. And while you want your helper to
feel like part of the family, you need her to
understand that she is not a replacement
for you.
We asked two experts to suggest strategies
for dealing with these issues, so that both you
and your helper can enjoy a more harmonious
working and personal relationship.
YOUR FAMILY IS OVERLY
RELIANT ON YOUR HELPER
“There’s nothing wrong with depending
on your helper as she’s there to make your
life easier,” says family counsellor Sreyashi
Sengupta. But problems may arise when she
becomes everything to everyone, and your
family assumes she’s the one calling the shots
or starts taking her help for granted.
“Be careful that this over-reliance does not
lead to a reshaping of roles in your household,”
Sreyashi points out. If your helper is spending
more time with your kids or ailing parents,
they may start feeling closer to her than you.
And don’t ask her to do things you can
easily do yourself, as this means giving away your personal responsibility, warns Sreyashi.
HOW TO DEAL Take the attitude that she
is your helper, not someone who waits on
you hand and foot, which is a too common
perception here. “Your helper is here to help
you and your family live a better life, not do
everything for you,” Sreyashi explains.
Talk to your family about being less reliant
on your helper. Set request limitations for your
kids, and teach them to thank her when she
does something for them. This acts as positive
reinforcement for your helper too. Also, pay
more attention to your role in the family.
YOUR CHILD TURNS TO HER FOR
SOLACE AND ATTENTION
Since your kid spends so much time with your
helper, it’s inevitable for him to confi de in her.
“Problems arise when the helper replaces the
parent as key confi dant,” says Sreyashi.
Watch out for the good-cop-bad-cop
syndrome too, where your child sees you as
the strict disciplinarian and your helper as the
understanding comfort-giver.
HOW TO DEAL “Children need your attention
and time. Family time is a necessity, not a
luxury,” says Sreyashi.
Make sure your helper is not spoiling your
child to avoid getting into trouble with you.
“While she shouldn’t be scolding or shouting
at him, she should be fi rm and set boundaries
for him too,” says Sreyashi.
