Starting a family was a heartbreaking experience for Dr Patrina Wong. She tells MADELINE LIN how she found the strength to keep trying, even after losing two babies – and nearly losing her life.
“I’ve always wanted children. Growing up, I’d cradle my baby cousin and tell myself that, someday, it would be my child in my arms. I’d imagine dressing up my little bundle of joy and dream of all the laughter that would fill my house.
“At 23, everything in my life was in place. I was married and had just started working as a doctor at a public hospital. My graduate-student husband, Gerard, and I were very much in love and eager to start a family. So you can imagine how excited I was when I discovered that I was pregnant a year later. But nothing prepared me for what lay ahead.”
How do you dealwith losing a child?
Psychologist Daniel Koh from Insights Mind Centre shares some good advice.
• ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE After losing a child, give yourself time to grieve, which can last anywhere from a few months to years.
• RALLY SUPPORT It’s important to have the support of family members and friends. Voicing your feelings and expressing your emotional pain can be therapeutic.
• GET THE FACTS Reading up on the medical facts or talking to doctors and counsellors may help you accept that it isn’t your fault your child is gone.
• TAKE YOUR TIME Don’t force yourself to move on too quickly as this can lead to denial or avoidance of unresolved issues. But you should come to terms with your loss eventually. Don’t feel like you have to try for another kid; this is a decision that only you and your hubby can make together.
• SEE A PROFESSIONAL If you’re depressed, crying all the time, have suicidal thoughts, mood swings, or have lost interest in daily routines, you should speak to a doctor.
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