If you tend to get tongue-tied in difficult situations or have a habit of avoiding confrontation, here’s how to say your piece without turning nasty. LIM TSIAO HUI gets tips from communications coach Deborah Torres Patel.
THE FOUR GOLDEN RULES
These lines may be no-brainers but the key is to use them with conviction. Deborah shares these tips and what to say in any situation.
1 BE FIRM, BUT NON-CONFRONTATIONAL
Speak factually and with little or no emotion in your request.
2 TRY TO SOUND GRACIOUS
People do not expect you to be nice when you ask them to stop a behaviour. When you approach a potentially negative encounter with courtesy, you will be surprised how little resistance you get.
3 REMAIN CALM AND DON’T GET UPSET
When emotions are high, intelligence is normally low and an unpleasant confrontation can arise.
4 THANK THEM
after your request and when the person stops the offending behaviour. By doing so, you are acknowledging their good social behaviour. Most people are less likely to repeat bad behaviour when someone calls them on it.
ON THE TRAIN • Not giving up the seat to a pregnant woman SAY “Excuse me. Would you please give this pregnant lady your seat?” or “This pregnant lady needs to sit down. Would you please give her your seat?”
• Playing with ring tones loudly SAY“Excuse me, would you mind turning down the volume of your ring tones?”
If they ignore you, repeat what you said in the same non-judgmental tone and say, “Excuse me, please turn down the volume of your ring tones. The noise is disturbing the people around you.”
IN THE SUPERMARKET • Cutting queue SAY“Excuse me, the back of the queue is over there,” and point to where they should stand.
IN THE CINEMA • Talking on the phone SAY “Excuse me, you shouldn’t be talking on the phone in the cinema. If you need to talk, please go outside.” If he/she ignores you, repeat your request: “Please step outside if you want to talk on the phone. We have all paid to enjoy the movie. Please be respectful and take your conversation outside.” If that doesn’t work, have the theatre staff ask him/her to leave.
• Munching loudly on popcorn SAY “Excuse me, your munching is distracting us from the film. Would it be possible for you to chew a bit more softly?”
• Kicking the back of your chair SAY “Would you please stop kicking the back of my chair?” If it is a very young child, tell the parent, “Your child is kicking the back of my chair. Could you please get him/her to stop?” If it persists, ask to change seats. If you’re on a plane, have the fl ight attendant resolve the situation. SH
